Meds.

No Rest for the Weary

Been up since 5:00am. Remember back when we had our study nights and this would be the time we actually went to bed?

I'm waking up a lot earlier now. It's hard for me to sleep past 8. And I kinda like it. I can get a lot accomplished in those extra hours of the wee morning. I'm getting plenty of rest now that I'm out of the hospital. I sleep pretty early. Always asleep by midnight, but usually10 or 11. Plus I usually take a nap during the day. Rest is definitely something I need on my road to recovery.

Sleeping in the hospital is such a hard task. If you can sleep in an ICU hospital bed, you can sleep almost anywhere. There is constant bustling outside my door. Nurses come in and out to check on me. But the worst is the monitor which beeps when I make the slightest movement. And the beeping doesn't stop for a good 30 seconds sometimes. There was a time when I was awake for 3 days. Even on high milligram sleeping pills, I would be only asleep for 2 hours. Along with the medications I was taking, it threw me into a spiral. I was in a different world. One day I'll post about the 'neverland' world I was in. I don't remember too much from the real world during that first stint in the hospital (July 30-Aug 21). I remember flashes of people coming to visit me. Mostly I remember just being in a dreamish state which felt more real than any dream I've ever had. And it was neverending. It felt like years went by. This was the worst time for me. This is when I was sickest. Maybe when the body is really sick, the mind tries to escape to relieve itself from the pain by escaping for a while. Only God knows I guess.

It feels good to be able to sleep for real now. Damn. I do miss those study nights at the nickyle apartment on benvenue though.

Tests

In college, tests meant midterms and finals.
Right now in my life, tests mean bloodwork, x-rays, etc.

About to have bloodwork done. Kinda nervous. Not cause of the needle. But because of the results. I hope I get an A+.

Been wanting to post

I've been wanting to post about my job, but every time I tried, it didn't seem right. I couldn't write. But a conversation with Kitty helped. Cause conversations with Kitty always helps. Cause good conversations with good friends always help. Thanks Kitty.

And just to make it clear, I'm not sayin there's anything wrong with working at Starbucks or the library. I probably would have applied to Starbucks if I hadn't found Greenlining. We all need to pay bills.

[09:49] Nicky Cabal: what time do you have class on friday?
[09:55] Kathleen Abanilla: 10-11, 1-5
[09:57] Nicky Cabal: so you can drink thursday nt then!
[09:57] Nicky Cabal: woohoo!
[10:01] Kathleen Abanilla: haha
[10:09] Nicky Cabal: it's so weird what im researching at work
[10:10] Nicky Cabal: im researching the cost of chronic diseases
[10:10] Nicky Cabal: especially on minorities
[10:10] Nicky Cabal: that's me kitty!
[10:10] Nicky Cabal: that's you too!
[10:10] Nicky Cabal: im part of these statistics
[10:10] Nicky Cabal: haha
[10:11] Kathleen Abanilla: whoa
[10:11] Kathleen Abanilla: chronic like auto-immune or chronic like heart disease and diabetes?
[10:12] Nicky Cabal: more heart disease/diabetes/hypertension, cause they're more widespread
[10:12] Nicky Cabal: but auto-immune is still encompassed in many studies
[10:13] Nicky Cabal: the more and more im here, the more and more i realize that this is a really good opportunity
[10:13] Nicky Cabal: im not just working at starbucks or stackin books at the library
[10:14] Nicky Cabal: im doing real research
[10:14] Nicky Cabal: not just for my career
[10:14] Nicky Cabal: but for myself
[10:14] Nicky Cabal: and my own health
[10:14] Nicky Cabal: sorry. i just had an epiphany and wanted to share it
[10:15] Kathleen Abanilla: you should totally put that on your blog
[10:16] Nicky Cabal: i try writing entries
[10:17] Nicky Cabal: like i've tried a few times
[10:17] Nicky Cabal: but when im done, i dont like it
[10:17] Nicky Cabal: so i dont post it
[10:17] Nicky Cabal: haha
[10:17] Nicky Cabal: maybe i'll post this entire conversation
[10:18] Nicky Cabal: instead of trying to write it out on my own
[10:27] Meebo Message: Kathleen Abanilla is offline

The 25th Hour

I've never had a blog before. Never really thought about it too much. But today it just feels right, and this entry will hopefully explain why. So here's my first attempt at putting down my thoughts to be worthwhile for others, yet apropos for myself.

I feel like I've been awake for way too long. Daylight savings ended just over 24 hours ago, giving me (and us) an extra hour during this Fall weekend. Strangely, that extra hour seems to have made this day endless. I woke up pretty early. Partially it was due to Sunday football excitement, but a lot due to other reasons.

I did a lot of thinking today. It's November. I think time has gone by way too fast. Or maybe way too slowly. I don't really know. I thought about good times over summer (Ate's wedding, trips north, and of course Europe with some of the best of people). It all seems like so long ago, and yet I can still feel the roller coaster of emotions.

I thought about how fate took me back to the Bay Area, and how now I finally am doing the things I promised I would do. Study and work. Studying has gone well, and the job is really good for what I want to do. Save the lack of health insurance, I couldn't ask for a better opportunity for myself. And yet, I still feel like I should be doing something else. Something more.

When I'm in a pensive mood, music is the best therapist to those thoughts. So I shuffled my iTunes and went to work. A few months ago I collected a lot of music from friends. And one of the first songs that came up was something I hadn't heard yet, from an album that I hadn't listened to all the way through. The Album: Legendary Music Vol. One. The Song: another day. Perfect for the pensive mood. And I can't really explain it, but for some strange reason, from that song, a new blogger was born.